


In this time of dying

by shadowkatninjawarrior



Series: Sheriff and Knives [2]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2017-05-19
Packaged: 2018-05-10 15:40:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 31
Words: 16,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5591842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowkatninjawarrior/pseuds/shadowkatninjawarrior
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The sequel to we are the walking dead<br/>Reader arrives in Alexandria<br/>That's pretty much all you need to know</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Coming Home?

**Author's Note:**

> Back by popular demand! (meaning I had like three people complain about where I ended it)

You looked nervously up at the tall gates of Alexandria as you climbed out of Aaron's car, seriously considering making a run for it. The rumble of Daryl's motorbike cuts out as he pulls up beside the car. You'd come to trust the pair of them over the last few days, they'd saved your life more than once and you'd done the same for them. Aaron had been surprised by your competence initially but Daryl had just seemed... vaguely saddened by it. You couldn't tell why but then again he wasn't really an easy man to read. You'd decided not to ask him about it though, you definitely hadn't known him long enough to expect any kind of an answer. According to him Carl had told them about you, wanting to go back to Terminus to find you but had been persuaded out of it by the likelihood that you were already dead. But trusting them didn't make you any less terrified to be trusting your life to another group. Perhaps it would be alright. But you couldn't get your hopes up like that, so you just focused on getting to see sheriff again. The gate clattered to life, jolting you from your thoughts and increasing the desire to run tenfold. Then Aaron put a hand on your shoulder, making you jump.   
"You're gonna be fine. Really."   
You take a steadying breath.  
"Yeah. Let's do this."  
Aaron goes ahead though Daryl stays just behind you, probably to make sure you don't get skittish and do a runner. There are three people pulling back the gate who all look at you curiously. They must have gotten the short straw to be pulling the night shift. Or maybe it was on a rota. As you walked in, you stared incredulously at the houses. Even in the dark you could see that it was like stepping backwards in time. The tidy gardens, the white walls with no broken windows, the clean clothes. Your shirt had once been white but now, well, it was an interesting shade of walker. You linger there, staring as the gates clatter shut behind you.   
"Weird, ain't it?"  
Daryl mutters from just behind your shoulder.  
"Yeah. Crazy..."   
You have to take a few deep breaths and touch your hat, reminding yourself of why you're here. The fact that you arrived at night isn't helping, everything seems so ominous and silent. There's the occasional light on in the window, which is pretty much the only sign of people here. Instead of questioning whether you can do this again, you just concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other.   
"Deanna will want to talk to you in the morning but Eric and I have a spare room so you can stay there for tonight."   
You're silent for a few moments, feeling rather dazed.  
"Alright."   
"You'll be fine. This place ain't as bad as it seems."  
Before you can reply, Daryl disappears off down the street. You feel oddly abandoned, but just hurry to catch up with Aaron.   
"This is it."  
He gestures up at the house in front of you.   
"Wow."  
"Eric will probably still be up, if you want to meet him."  
"Um... Sure, yeah. I'd like that."  
You follow him up the stairs, noting that he pauses to unlock the door with a key hidden above the door mantel. He opens the door and calls out.  
"Eric? I'm home!"


	2. Making New Friends

There's a clattering from upstairs, followed by fast heavy footsteps pounding down the stairs.  
"Babe!"   
Aaron gets practically tackled by a smaller man throwing himself at him. They kiss passionately and you look at your feet awkwardly. Eventually they pull away and begin talking quietly. You just examine the art on the wall nearest to you, waiting for them to finish greeting each other, you don't want to disrupt this moment. Then, Eric notices you.  
"Oh, hi! Who are you?"  
"This is (Y/N), she's new. I said she could stay with us overnight and talk to Deanna in the morning."   
Aaron puts a hand on your shoulder and Eric smiles at you warmly. It kind of makes you want to cry at how sweet they're being.  
"Welcome to Alexandria. How about I get you guys something to eat while Aaron sorts out the spare room?"  
"Yeah, thanks."  
"Alright, come tell me what you want."   
Eric grabs your hand and you get a glimpse of Aaron's poorly concealed amusement before being whisked away to the kitchen.   
The kitchen was beautifully clean, only adding to the feeling that you were grimy and disgusting. You're nervous to touch anything, in case you leave dirty marks everywhere. You hear Aaron's footsteps disappearing upstairs and you silently curse him for abandoning you with a stranger, as nice as he seems to be. Eric spreads his hands, gesturing around the kitchen.  
"We have loads of canned stuff, or there's pasta..."  
"Um... something from a can is fine."  
"Alright, take your pick."   
He opens one of the cupboards to reveal neat rows of cans. Towards the bottom there are several cans of the same soup.  
"Is that leek and potato soup?"  
"Yeah, it always gets eaten last in this house because neither of us particularly like it. Obviously we can't waste it but still... Do you like it?"  
"Yeah, it' been a while since I last had it though."   
"Great, I'll heat it up for you. There's a bathroom just down the hall on your right if you'd like to wash up."  
"Thanks."  
You wander down the hall, cautiously opening the first door on the right you take a peek inside. After ascertaining that it is, in fact, bathroom, you grab your torch from your bag and head inside. You look in the mirror, surprising yourself a little with your own appearance. You haven't seen your own reflection in a while, and you barely recognise yourself beneath the grime and the scars. Your face is thinner than it used to be, and the black circles under your eyes give you a gaunt, haunted look. It's hard to believe you were invited into anyone's house looking like this. You test the tap and to your surprise, water comes out. Somehow they've managed to get running water in this place, adding to the rather surreal feeling this is all an exhaustion induced hallucination. Using water and a nearby flannel, you clean your face and after a few minutes of scrubbing you look a little more human. Then you sort your hair out as best you can without washing it. It's limp and greasy but you do what you can. A shout comes from the kitchen, making you flinch and reach for the knife at your hip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHAHA I love cliffhangers


	3. Good Food, Better Company

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That last cliffhanger was super mean and not even a good one but I just can't resist, I have a problem...

"Grub's up!"   
The knife is halfway out of it's sheath by the time you realise that you aren't actually in any danger. Your heart is pumping, adrenaline spiking and you have to take a few moments to breathe and remind yourself that you aren't out there any longer. Re-securing your knife, you head back out into the corridor just as Aaron comes downstairs. He gives you a smile, one that you can't quite find it in yourself to return.  
"Well, don't you scrub up alright. I barely even recognised you!"   
You roll your eyes at that, but give a huff of a laugh at the same time. You step back to let him past you and follow him into the kitchen. Aaron sits down at the table, so you follow his lead and pull up a chair. You drop your rucksack to the floor before sitting down. The two of them chat easily and you're more than happy to sit passively and listen. They banter and gossip, Eric catching Aaron up on the happenings of the town. Mundane, every day things you hadn't even thought about for a very long time. You recognise a few of the names from the stories Carl told but most of them are unfamiliar. Residents of this little community that would once upon a time been commonplace but now seemed surreal. Eric sets a steaming bowl of soup down in front of you along with a spoon and suddenly you have absolutely zero interest in listening to the conversation. Instead, you concentrate on blowing on it gingerly until it's cool enough to eat and you waste no time in doing so. The entire bowl is gone within minutes. Eric grins at you.  
"Someone was hungry."  
You smile at him and nod in response. You can't actually remember when you last felt full. Contented, you lean back in your chair after licking the bowl clean. Warm, full and feeling safer than you have in a very long time, you feel your eyes begin to droop closed, head falling forwards a little.  
"You know, the guest room is ready for you if you're tired."   
Aaron says with a smile.  
"I... yeah that would be good. It's been a long day."  
"Up the stairs, turn right, it's the door at the end of the hall. Give us a shout if you need anything. Anything at all."  
You sling your bag back onto your back and stand to head upstairs. Before leaving the kitchen, you turn back.  
"Thank you. For Everything, both of you. It uh... It means a lot."  
You choke off at the end, you had been going to say more but your throat closes up. They both just nod with sympathetic smiles. Not allowing either of them time to reply, you turn and make your way up the stairs. You can't allow yourself to get overly emotional. Despite everything, your hand finds it's way to rest on the hilt of your knife as you make your way through the quiet, darkened house. If they'd tried to take your knife when you passed through the gate, you would have point blank refused to come in. Other than the conversation drifting up from downstairs, the house is completely silent.


	4. The lights are on

You trust your instincts and right now they're telling you there isn't any danger nearby, other than the emotional danger of attachment of course. This place could so easily suck you in and make you soft. You reach the door and open it slowly, listening intently as you do so. You fully realise that your hyper vigilance is nearing paranoia but it's kept you alive this long.   
The room is safe so you try flipping the light switch. To your surprise and delight, the light actually turns on. This place is crazy. You close the door and survey the room. The bed is beneath the window, which looks out onto the street. There's a wardrobe and a bookshelf against one wall and a chest of drawers against the other. There's another door in the room, which you assume is a bathroom but you feel compelled to check it out. You do your usual, listening at the door before you open it and take a look. It's a small en suite, unsurprising in this kind of high end property. You flick the light on in there as well, smiling to yourself as light bathes the room. That novelty won't wear off any time soon.  
Setting your backpack down by the foot of the bed, you take off your belt with the knife on. You unclip the knife, sheath and all, and place it beneath your pillow. Better safe than sorry. You take off your outer clothes, leaving you in your underwear and a tank top, which, though sweaty, aren't covered in blood. So, an improvement of sorts. You go to the bathroom and look at the shower a little hesitantly. Unwilling to use it without explicit permission you grab a flannel and run it under the water doing a quick wash to get the worst of the grime and sweat off.   
You were a little tempted to leave the light on overnight, mostly for the sheer novelty of it, but you didn't want to waste electricity. Something as rare as that should be carefully rationed. So, reluctantly, you flicked the lights out and plunged the room into darkness.   
Exhausted, you climb onto the bed and crawl across it to look out of the window. It's dark, so you can't see much but the moonlight provides just enough clarity to make out the house across the street. This place really is the epitome of the 'apple pie life' all it was missing was a white picket fence. The very notion that this place had somehow survived the insanity of the outside world was somehow mind boggling. You couldn't even imagine what it would look like in the daylight with all the people ignorant of what was happening not a mile away. You laid back down in the bed and pulled the covers up over yourself. The bed seemed unnaturally soft, like lying on a marshmallow. You felt as though you might fall through at any moment, which was more than a little disconcerting. Your eyes slide shut as exhaustion takes hold, but as always you sleep with both ears wide open for any sign of danger.


	5. When the morning comes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am acutely aware that nothing has really happened in this fic for like chapters, but I'm having a tough time writing at the moment so if anyone has any ideas I welcome them.

The next morning you awake with a jolt, sitting bolt upright in a panic. You sit still, listening hard for what actually woke you. You can hear movement out in the hall and for a few terror filled moments you scramble for the knife beneath your pillow.   
The moment your hand closes around the hilt you remember where you are and your heartbeat returns to it's usual rhythm. You're in Alexandria, at Aaron and Eric's house, it's most likely just one of them getting up. Throwing back the covers, you crawl to look out of the window. Pulling back the curtains, you're greeted by the early morning light. Already you can see the occasional person moving around, some purposefully and some apparently just out for a stroll. From this window you can't see the metal wall surrounding the community and it seems for all the world that exactly like the way things used to be. Watching these people move around without a care in the world makes you edgy. They have no idea what life is like outside of these walls. A knocking at the bedroom door drags you out of your thoughts and back to the present. Gathering the covers around your shoulders, you turn and call  
"Come in."  
The door opens and Eric sticks his head in.  
"Morning. We're about to have breakfast if you would like to come down and join us."  
You nod.  
"Alright. I'll be down in a minute."  
He advances a little further into the room, holding a bundle of material.  
"I brought you a new shirt, but I couldn't find anything else that would possibly fit you. We'll talk to Deanna about that later."  
"Thank you."  
He leaves the shirt on the edge of your bed before turning to leave. As he shuts the door he turns back to say,  
"You can have a shower if you'd like."  
You crack a half smile at that and he gives you an enormous grin in return. As you hear his footsteps fading away, you get out of bed and go into the bathroom. Looking at the shower, you grin at the shower for a few moments before shutting the bathroom door and stripping down. You're practically shaking with excitement as you step into the shower.  
You keep it short, reluctant to waste water but you emerge from the steam feeling great, the warm water worked wonders on your tense muscles. Despite still being suspicious about whether you should stay here, that doesn't mean you can't appreciate the little things. It seems kind a shame to have to put your grimy clothes on other than the fresh shirt, but there isn't anything you can do about it so you just suck it up. You get dressed and dry your hair as best you can with the towel before strapping your knife back to your hip and heading downstairs. Breakfast is in the process of being made, Aaron and Eric seem to dance around each other fluidly as they work together. You hang back in the doorway, unwilling to interrupt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously. Any ideas. Anything.


	6. Tearful Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is ridiculously soppy but I couldn't think of any other way to write this scene so... Deal with it

A knocking at the door interrupts the flow and they both notice you for the first time. The knocking comes again, more urgent this time and Aaron moves past you declaring,  
"I'll get it!"   
You move into the kitchen fully so you won't be seen from the door and listen curiously. The door opens and before Aaron can get a word out, an urgent voice asks,  
"Is she here?"  
You know that voice. Suddenly excited, you step out into the hall. Carl's eyes light up as they land on you and he pushes past Aaron who steps hurriedly out of the way.   
"(Y/N)!"  
You all but launch yourselves at each other and the impact knocks your hat off your head. It doesn't matter anymore to lose the last part of him you had because now you've got the real thing. For the first time in years there are happy tears in your eyes, threatening to spill over.   
"I thought I'd lost you."  
He whispers into your ear, sounding choked with emotion.  
"I'm here. I never thought I'd see you again."  
You're just as choked up as he is. After a few moments you pull back and just look at each other in amazement.  
"When Daryl told me this morning, I couldn't believe it. I thought he must have the wrong person, but here you are."  
You smile widely and wipe away the single tear running down his cheek. Then you remember the hat lying on the floor behind you.  
"Oh! I have something for you."  
You turn and scoop up the hat quickly, before placing it gently onto his head.  
"My hat!"  
"Yep! I grabbed it when I escaped Terminus. I wanted to give it back to you and now I finally can."  
At that moment, Eric clears his throat.  
"I hate to break up this reunion but I just wanted to ask Carl if he'd like to stay for breakfast as I'm assuming he rushed out of the house in quite a hurry?"  
Carl nods a little sheepishly.  
"I'd love to stay, if you're sure that's alright."  
Aaron sidles past you, back into the kitchen.  
"Yeah, sure we've got plenty. Come sit down guys, it'll be ready in a few minutes."  
You take Carl's hand and lead him through to sit at the table.   
"So, what happened? At Terminus, I mean. After they dragged me away they put me in a train car with a load of people from my group and I was happy to see them but then when I heard the explosion... I thought that was going to be the last time I ever saw you."  
"Same here. They dragged me to some room and hung me by my hands from a meat hook,"  
A flash of annoyance crosses Carl's face at that but as quickly as you register it, it's already gone.  
"They didn't tie me tight enough so I managed to get out under cover of all the commotion that the explosion caused. Your group was already gone by the time I got out."  
Carl looks ashamed and angry.  
"I tried to look for you, but there was no time. I thought they'd already killed you."  
You smile at him, squeezing his hand gently.  
"It's alright Carl. Really, I don't blame you at all. Anyways I'm here now so it all worked out for the best."  
You continue to tell the story of your mostly uneventful journey over breakfast, before hearing his story of how they got to Alexandria.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this? Carl has actually turned up? My God, finally. (This is what I imagine you guys are thinking)


	7. Interview

After breakfast they take you to see Deanna. Walking through the streets, you get some curious looks, some are even outright hostile. It gives you the impression they're not overly fond of new people. On the bright side, Carl doesn't let go of your hand for the whole walk and you're grateful to him for simply being there without expecting anything in return. Ever since Carl had first bear hugged you that morning, your lingering desire to run had faded. Now you were just nervous that perhaps Deanna would decide she didn't want you there. You were, after all, more than a little... feral. Particularly compared to most of these people. Compared to Daryl you were more like a housecat, and she let him in, but that didn't serve to quell your nerves.   
When you reached Deanna's place you tensed, nerves threatening to take over. You froze, looking up at the house as Aaron and Eric made their way up the front steps. Carl tugged on your hand gently.  
"You'll be fine, Knives."  
You smiled a little at the use of the nickname.  
"You think?"  
"I know. Deanna's a perceptive person. Rational too. She'll see what an asset you'd be here straight away. And if she doesn't I'll just have to barge in and talk some sense into her."  
That dredges a full smile out onto your face as you let Carl pull you forward and into the house. Aaron and Eric are stood in the corridor, both with encouraging smiles. Eric gestures to the door beside him.  
"She's expecting you."  
You turn to Carl, who gives you an encouraging nod.   
"I'll be right out here."  
Taking a deep breath and touching a hand to the hilt of the knife at your hip for comfort, you open the door. Every sense is on high alert in response to your fear. But this isn't the brand of fear you've grown very used to recently, the hot quick adrenaline filled terror. No, this is a slimier fear that starts around your ankles and then before you know it you're drowning. Trying not to think about that, you push the door all the way open to find a woman of indiscriminate age looking at you with an expression you can't quite place.  
"You must be (Y/N). Come sit, please."  
She indicates the chair across from the sofa she's seated comfortably on. Doing as she asks, you go and perch nervously on the edge of the seat, feeling rather too dirty still to relax into the cream cushioning.   
"Do you mind if I record this conversation?"  
You're more than a little taken aback by that, noticing for the first time the camera set up beside her.  
"Uhm, no?"  
It comes out as more of a question.  
"Excellent."  
She fiddles with the camera for a moment.  
"I'm sorry, but why are you recording this? Is it really the best use of resources?"  
She gives you a look you can't read. It's beginning to get unnerving just how little you can read her.  
"You think so? So what would be a better use of this resource?"


	8. Poker? I barely know her!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a lazy fuck who didn't want to write the interview so fuck all y'all that wanted it

“Well that concludes our interview.”  
Deanna announces as she switches off the camera with an air of finality.  
“Um, alright.”  
You say warily. Completely unable to read her, you have no idea whether you’re about to be thrown out on your ass. You’re not exactly the friendliest of people after months of isolation and you’ve always sucked at interviews. Hell, you found it hard to interact with people even before the apocalypse.  
“So what’s the verdict? Can I stay?”  
Deanna turns her piercing gaze back to you.  
“Oh, you staying here was never in question. Not only do you already have two people prepared to vouch for you, probably three if I asked Daryl, but the only way I would force you back out there alone is with very good reason. This interview was more of a formality, and I like to know the people within these walls as well as I can. Anyway, Aaron has offered to continue to allow you to stay with him and Eric, if that’s alright with you.”  
Your eyebrows wing up in surprise.  
“I can stay? Just like that.”  
Deanna smirks at you.  
“Would you prefer it were harder?”  
Backtracking hurriedly, you shake your head.  
“No! No, thank you.”  
But she hadn’t asked a single question about your past, only the future and what you would like out of being at Alexandria. She didn’t know what you’d done, where you’d come from, the horrors you’d seen. Though you supposed she didn’t want to know. Well, that suited you down to the ground. Having no interest in discussing said horrors, you weren’t going to push it, just accept the blessing.  
“You may go. Carl can inform you about schooling and any jobs that will be expected of you.”  
You snap out of your thoughts at the sound of her voice, and nod before hurrying out back into the hallway.  
“So how’d it go?”  
Carl questioned eagerly as you stepped out of the room.  
“She said I can stay.”  
He grinned widely, and it was clear that despite his encouragement and reassurances, he’d been nervous as well.  
“See? What did I say, I knew you’d be fine!”  
You roll your eyes affectionately.  
“Yeah yeah, I’ll admit you were right. This time. Coz, I mean, last time you said things would be fine well…”  
He laughed, giving you his best innocent ‘who, me?’ look.  
“We survived didn’t we?”  
“Yeah, just about. Hey, where did Aaron and Eric go?”  
“Oh they both had stuff to do, so I volunteered to show you round and whatnot.”  
He moves towards the door, one hand outstretched for you to take.  
“Come on, I can finally introduce you to my group.”  
You only hesitate for a moment, before taking his hand and allowing him to pull you along.  
“Deanna is a ridiculously hard woman to read though.”  
“Oh yeah, she was going to be a professional poker player before all this.”  
You sputter in shock at this new information.  
“And you didn’t think that was something worth mentioning before I went in there?”  
Carl just laughs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will try my best but it may be a while before I can get the next chapter up


	9. Home is where the heart is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't read the end notes if you haven't seen the S6 mid season premier because spoilers.

Yet again, you stood looking up at a house with nerves churning in the pit of your stomach. This time it was anxiety at meeting Carl's family for the first time. Being around other people really reminded you of the awkward teenager you were, rather than the toughened veteran you had to be outside these walls. Taking a deep breath you follow Carl inside. It seems like almost everyone is out but you can hear soft tones of conversation coming from somewhere. You follow Carl into the kitchen where Daryl is stood with a man holding a small blonde child and a woman with dreadlocks is sat on the countertop. You give Daryl a nod while the others look at you with no small amount of suspicion.   
"Hey dad, Michonne, this is (Y/N)"  
You manage a small smile.  
"Hi."  
"(Y/N) this is my dad, Rick, my sister Judith and Michonne. You've already met Daryl."  
Rick holds his free hand out to you.  
"Good to finally meet you, I've heard a lot about you from Carl. And I notice you've kept his hat safe."   
You shake his hand and nod.  
"It's quite the good luck charm I must say."  
There's a lot of sadness in his eyes but also something else. A tiny bit of hope, perhaps. It's easy to tell he hasn't been at Alexandria for long, he's still got the look of a survivor. It's the same with Daryl and Michonne now that you think about it.   
"I've been told you're pretty capable, doesn't sound like you need too much luck."  
You shrug.  
"I can take care of myself."  
Just then a grey haired woman comes in and jerks her head back the way she came, barely sparing you a glance. The three adults immediately go to her, filing through the doorway. You raise an eyebrow at Carl.  
"That's Carol. I'm not entirely sure what's going on."   
"Right."  
You frown in the direction they disappeared, wondering at the urgency with which they left. What could be so important, was something wrong? Part of you wants to go and eavesdrop but you don't want to ruin the tenuous trust you've earned so far. You're still wondering at what it could mean when you feel a small hand brush against your cheek, grabbing at you hair. Judith's tiny fingers wrap around a lock of your hair and tug at it.   
"Hey there Judy, was I ignoring you?"  
You ask, gently extracting your hair and giving her you finger to hold instead so you can turn to face her. She giggles and you grin at her.  
"You're quite the attention seeker, little one."  
"Sorry."  
Carl says, sounding a little sheepish, but you shake your head.  
"I don't mind, really. She's adorable."  
He smiles.  
"Well, now you've met my dad and my sister, let's go see who else I can introduce you to. Seeing as you'll be sticking around an' all."  
"Sounds good."  
He looks around for a few moments, searching for something before turning back to you.  
"Could you take Judith for a moment? I want to get something from upstairs."  
"Um, alright."  
Before you know it, you're holding Judith as he disappears up the stairs. She looks up at you with her baby blue eyes, utterly trusting. Bouncing her a little in your arms, you smile as she gurgles happily.  
When Carl comes back down, he stops and stares at you for a moment.  
"What?"  
He shakes his head in what is almost wonder.  
"I just still can't quite believe you're here. It seems kind of like a dream."  
"Well, you better believe it, 'coz I am here to stay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still love Carl, even with only one eye.


	10. 12% of a plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a big fan of writing things out that happened in the show that the reader character doesn't directly affect so I did a time skip. The timeline of the show is a little confusing so I'm going to leave it up to you guys as to how big of a time skip you think it is. The whole thing with Pete happens in this time frame but the reader is not involved.

*Time skip*  
You listened attentively to Rick's plan, quickly recognizing the necessity of it. The very idea of that many lurker so close by struck a cold knife of fear into your heart.  
"Now who else?"  
Deanna asked of the room.  
"I'm in."  
The whole room turned to you incredulously but you kept your gaze calmly on Rick. He frowns at you.  
"You sure about that?"  
"Yes. I can handle myself and you need people."  
He still seems unsure and people are shaking their heads. There's a pang of annoyance at your youth making people see you as useless. Or at least someone in need of protection.  
"I'm not doing this to prove myself. I'm doing this because I believe it is something that must be done and I can help get it done efficiently."  
He stares at you for a moment longer before nodding. Deanna is staring at you, but there's a vacancy in her eyes as though she's looking through you. You don't blame her after what she's lost so recently but at the same time it's not good for people to see her fall apart. You hope she can pull it together soon, for her sake as much as anyone else.  
"Alright. But I want you to stick with me."  
You recognise the compromise and nod, once they've seen what you can do they can put more trust into you. Rick is a cautious man and you can identify with that. So as much as you'd like to put up a fuss, you accept the role handed to you.  
Another guy volunteers, though you notice Glenn is far from happy about it for whatever reason and then the meeting comes to a close. You noticed more than a few disgruntled expressions on the way out, not everyone agreed with Rick. They were just going to have to get over that. If the lurkers got out of that quarry and attacked Alexandria en mass it would be absolute disaster, particularly with the sheer number of people lacking the ability to properly protect themselves living within the walls.  
*Later*  
You were in your room gearing up to go out when the doorbell rang downstairs. Eric yelled,  
"I've got it!"  
up the stairs at you so you left him to it, sharpening your knives instead. You hummed to yourself along with the slick scrape of your knives, one ear on what was happening downstairs. There was a short conversation, then the door shut and footsteps quickly ascended the stairs. You're surprised when the footsteps stop outside your door, you'd figured it'd be Eric or Aaron going to their room or something, they mostly left you to yourself. Nonetheless, you called out,  
"Come in!"  
The door opens to reveal Carl and you give him a genuine smile. He smiles back but frowns when he sees the knives laid out across your bed.  
"I don't like this. I won't try to stop you, and I know you're more than capable but..."  
His concern is touching, as unfounded as it may be, you certainly appreciate it.


	11. The first sparks

"I'm coming back."  
He nods seriously.  
"Yeah, I know. Doesn't mean I won't worry though. It feels like we only just found each other and already you're disappearing off..."  
Dropping your knives onto the bed, you step closer to him and put your hands on his shoulders.  
"I'll be fine. Back before you know it, and I'll be with Rick the whole time. Besides, this is a practice run, remember?"  
"I know but I... I care about you."  
On impulse you lean forward and kiss him gently. He reacts immediately, kissing you back with what is almost desperation and his hands rest on your hips. It's a little awkward, and you aren't entirely sure what you're doing but it's nice. It feels right to be kissing him. When you do eventually pull away, you feel the need to clarify something.  
"That wasn't a good bye kiss. I don't do good byes."  
He laughs.  
"Is that another one of your detachment rules? Like the whole 'no names' thing?"  
"No, this is one of my 'I'm already attached and fully intend to stay that way' rules."  
He looks down, and you can see that he's blushing a little  
"Oh. I like that one much better."  
You laugh this time, forehead leant against his. Though you have to duck a little to avoid head butting his hat.  
"I figured you might."  
You pull away from him far enough to finish packing your bag and sling it over your shoulder. Carl takes your hand.  
"You're sure you have to go?"  
You sigh fondly at him.  
"Yes. I'm quite sure."  
"Alright, alright. I'll stop. You ready to go?"  
Glancing around at your room you realise it's still very impersonal. You really don't have any stuff yet, almost everything you own is in your backpack, same as when you arrived.  
"I'm all ready."  
On your way out, Carl's just about to open the front door when Eric appears.  
"Where do you think you're going?"  
He asks with a grin. You aren't sure what's going on, but you attempt to answer anyway.  
"... Out...?"  
"Not without saying goodbye you're not. You're going outside the walls after all."  
"Uh-"  
He surprises you with a tight hug, and he whispers in your ear.  
"You be careful out there."  
The concern in his voice is threatening to bring tears to your eyes, though you force them back.  
"Will do."  
You manage to reply. Then he ushers you both out of the door.  
"We're having dinner together when you get back, you me and Aaron."  
"Wouldn't miss it for the world!"  
The comment is thrown over your shoulder as you skip down the stairs. Once the door was shut, Carl looked at you and gave a grin that you knew meant he was just about to tease you.  
"What happened to,"  
He imitated a gruff, tough guy voice.  
"'I don't do good byes.' huh?"  
You shove his shoulder lightly.  
"That wasn't a good bye. That was a 'see you later'"  
He sways under your shove before slinging an arm around your shoulders.  
"Right. Sure. Whatever you say."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOOO they finally kissed!


	12. Doubt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the fabulous support I've been getting, I decided to treat you guys to a chapter a day earlier than I was going to.

*time skip*  
On the way to the quarry you stick to the back of the group and keep your mouth shut. You focus on memorising the roads so you can make your way back alone if you need to at any point. Despite the dubious murmurings earlier about the plan, everyone is now deadly silent and watchful, which you much prefer to petty and snide. By this point you barely need to listen to Rick going over the plan, you've gone over it in your head so many time you're pretty sure you could recite the entire thing by heart.  
When the truck slides into the quarry with a tremendous crash, you know with immediate certainty that you are all in deep shit. Rick points to you,  
"Go with Glenn, he'll need help clearing out the walkers."  
You nod curtly before sprinting off to join them.   
"Rick sent me to help with the walkers."  
Glenn nods, looking grateful for the help, but Heath looks incredulous.   
"You're coming with us? I'm not a babysitter you know."  
You have to refrain from rolling your eyes at him, he seems competent enough and you don't want him doubting you any more than he already does.  
"Don't worry, you won't be in my way."  
It's possible you're being a little bit mean but you're sick of being treated as though you're useless despite having looked after yourself for a long time. You agreed to stay with them, you could leave any time you wanted and be absolutely fine. If it weren't for Carl of course... Though you're quickly getting more attached to Eric and Aaron as well, particularly after everything they've done for you. You're beginning to get more and more determined to prove yourself to them. To everyone. Glenn is busy arguing with the guy who volunteered after you... Nicholas? You aren't sure what's going on there but this kind of conflict makes you antsy because it can lead to groups falling apart in a big way. There's chaos all around and the arguing doesn't last long. You run with them, keeping up easily. You even have to slow down quite a bit compared to how you would ordinarily run just to keep pace with the three of them. But then again, travelling alone does make for a whole lot of running.  
On the way you take out any walker you come across. The fewer unknown factors along the way, the better. Particularly seeing as the plan has been bumped up rather rapidly and more people than just that guy that kept protesting are freaking out about it. You just hope everyone can keep their heads.   
When you reach the building, you stare into the grimy windows assessing the situation.  
"Sounds like a lot."  
Nicholas sounds dubious. You ponder it for a moment, listening to the growling and banging.  
"I'd say there are about 20 in there. We can take 'em."   
Glenn nods to you before leading the way to the doors at the side of the building.   
Heath stops you before you can run after Glenn and Nicholas.  
"How did you know that? Are you sure?"  
You shrug.  
"It's an approximation. And I know that through a whole lot of trial and error. Mostly error."  
You give him a wink before moving around the side of the building.  
Despite a brief argument with Heath about whether the plan is really a good one, Glenn readies his crowbar and you follow Glenn's instructions without question. You agree with what he's doing. Readying your knife, you stand side by side with Heath as Glenn prepares to pry open the door. Pushing all other concerns out of your mind as Glenn counts out loud, you watch intently as he opens the door on three to reveal... metal.  
"Shit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit indeed, Glenn. Shit indeed.


	13. Best laid plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp my motivation to write this all but disappeared for a while there which is why this chapter took so long but it's looking like I've found my second wind so hopefully the next one should be up sometime soon.

Stood behind Glenn and Heath you get ready to implement plan B, 'take them on'. For whatever reason, Glenn is putting more trust in you than in this Nick guy. There's certainly something going on there and honestly you want to know because if Nick is someone who could be a danger to others, deliberately or not, why the hell is he being given a second chance. You don't get a very good vibe off him in general, he seems weak. The kind of weak that gets people killed. You realise you're putting a lot of faith in Glenn's judgement of character here and you aren't entirely sure how to feel about that.   
As you don't have a gun, the plan is for you to wait behind them at first so you don't take any friendly fire, but ready to step in at the first sign of trouble. Though you're quite a bit closer than Nicholas is.   
The glass shatters noisily, adding to the noise of the gunshot, and you take a quick moment to be grateful you're not trying to clear this place out as the herd comes past. The walkers begin pouring out and the guys start shooting. You edge round the left side and dive in once they begin to get overwhelmed, taking out three walkers one by one with your favourite knife, Ellen. Leaving Glenn to finish off the others, you hop up into the building to do a quick sweep. Just one walker left in side has the capacity to make enough noise that the herd may take interest which is not what you want at all. It's gloomy inside despite one wall being entirely glass and it takes a moment for your eyes to adjust after the glare of the sun. Ordinarily you would be rummaging through every nook and cranny for anything useful but there's no time for that today, and besides you can always come back later. After killing a walker in a back room, you drop back out onto the asphalt just as Nicholas plunges a knife into the head of the last walker.   
"Let's go."  
Glenn grabs his rucksack and then you're off running again down the road. The sun beats down on your back and sweat is threatening to drip into you eyes, despite your constant swiping at it. When you stop for a quick water break, you dig in your bag until you find a bandana to tie around your head.   
After much running, you eventually reach the column of lurkers - or walkers as you've begun to think of them after your trips outside Alexandria's walls with Carl. You meet up with Rick and his group before being instructed to take the back of the column. You like that idea better than being in front of the shuffling herd. It's easy enough to pick off the stray walkers that get distracted, it doesn't even make enough noise to attract unwanted attention. You're beginning to think that maybe, just maybe this plan might work, when a sound blasts through the air. Simultaneously, everyone turns to look at the source of the sound. Alexandria. A chill of dread runs down your spine as you exchange a look with Glenn.   
"The hell is happening?"  
Heath questions as he catches up to the two of you.  
"It's a horn or something. It's pulling the back half off the road."  
He sprints off and you hurry to follow him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Godamnit Nick


	14. Running Scared

Running through the forest, your thoughts wander momentarily to whether Carl and Judith are alright, and what the hell is happening. Then you push that thought out of your head, forcefully. You have to focus on the walkers first, and you need all of your wits about you. Annie's already twisted her ankle and things just seem to be going from bad to worse. When Rick insists on going alone to the RV, you consider arguing but considering he's not listening to even Glenn and Michonne you decide to leave it. Some guy manages to get mauled by a walker when Rick takes the two of them off to talk to them privately and Heath follows effectively removing every capable person other than yourself from the main group. It's immediately apparent that there's no saving him, so you dispatch with the walker and then him, putting him out of his misery. The others run over just a fraction behind you, drawn as you were to the noise of his screams. Rick rifles through his pockets, cool as can be, which is exactly what you would have done. Had you been alone. It's evident that Rick's nonchalance towards violence is freaking people out and you're worried about what will happen when one of them inevitably breaks. Though it seems like Rick can see that but simply doesn't care, which concerns you a little. He stands, tucking what is essentially loot into the back of his waistband, and turns to you.  
"We need to know what's going on back home. I want you to run back to Alexandria and radio in once you get there, whatever it is that's going on we need to be prepared. You'll be faster alone. Can you do that?"  
He holds out the spare radio, and without even thinking about it you know what your answer will be.  
"Yes."   
You nod solemnly, taking the radio and clipping it to your belt, just behind your knife.  
"What the hell are you doing? She's just a kid! You saw what just happened."  
The guy in the hat protests. You haven't learnt his name yet, you try not to learn people's names until they've proved themselves capable in some way.  
"Yeah, I killed a walker while you lot stood there gawking."  
Silence meets that remark as you glare a challenge at anyone else who wants to question your competency.   
"Get home safe."   
Rick throws the remark over his shoulder to the lot of you, already running in the direction of the RV.  
"See you back home."  
You nod to Michonne and Glenn, who each nod back before you take off.   
You fly through the woods, almost glad of the opportunity to really run again after the almost sedentary life within the walls. The circumstances, however... You push that thought out of your mind to focus on not tripping over and doing a spectacular prat fall. You've always been good at compartmentalising. Thinking only about the things that matter in the moment, even before all this madness.


	15. Static

Your radio crackles in and out of life, giving you updates on what's going on from Rick, Daryl and Glenn. You don't bother to stop and reply, you've nothing to say so far, at least nothing worth the time it would take to stop and get your breath back. Even as fit as you are, running at almost full tilt for so long knocks the wind out of a person. It's easier once you reach a road, the ground is smoother and you don't have to worry about rabbit holes and such. When you can see the walls of Alexandria looming closer, you stop to catch your breath. Once your breathing has evened out enough so that you can speak, you unclip your radio and press the talk button.   
"I'm at Alexandria. The gate is open, there's evidently been some kind of an attack. I can't tell much from out here though, I'm going in."  
You pull your much underused gun from it's holster on your leg as you radio gives a burst of static accompanying your answer.  
"Be careful."   
The static makes it hard to tell, but you're reasonably sure your answer came from Daryl as he's shouting to be heard over a rumbling which is presumably his motorbike.  
"Will do."   
You mutter to no one, radio now safely replaced on your belt. You adjust your grip on the gun nervously. Carl had been teaching you and although he was an excellent teacher and you weren't a bad shot at all, you still weren't completely comfortable with using the gun. He assured you that would come with time. Approaching the walls, you move cautiously, listening intently. You can smell smoke, the acrid kind that doesn't mean a bonfire. When you hear footsteps pounding on the asphalt, you take cover quickly and wait to see whether they are friend or foe. Once they do appear, it's immediately apparent that these people are not on your side. There are three of them, but you can't let them get away. As far as you can see none of them have guns so you make the decision to attack. You rise smoothly from your hiding spot, take aim and breathe out as you pull the trigger. The first one goes down, but the other two are advancing, and fast. You take aim, breathe and pull the trigger and down goes the second one. But, your third shot misses and then all of a sudden he's on you. The gun is trapped against your chest but you manage to angle it away from you and pull the trigger. His head explodes in a spray of blood and viscera, like something from a cheesy horror movie. One second, you're clean and dry, the next, drenched in blood. After living in the cleanliness of Alexandria, it seems almost strange to be covered in blood again. The sensation is weirdly almost nostalgic which worries you a little. His body falls against you, knocking you over despite your attempts to push him off. The impact with the asphalt crushes the radio painfully against your hip and you hear a crack, though whether it emanated from you or the radio is somewhat a mystery. As you lay on the floor, brains oozing out over you, you hear more footsteps approaching.


	16. Hidden among the dead

The footsteps get closer and closer and you shut your eyes, not daring to move in case it's more enemies. You lie as limp as possible, though every muscle is desperate to tense with fear and adrenaline. The footsteps get closer and closer, until they're right by your ear... and then they begin to fade away. You make sure to wait until they're almost out of earshot before you finally do move, shoving the almost decapitated body off you and onto the floor. Standing up, you glance at the five rapidly retreating backs further down the road and hope they are a sign that the Alexandrians have won this fight. You run to the gate, stopping on the way to get the brains of the two you downed earlier. Only then do you get your first real look at them, and at the W's carved into their foreheads. Passively, you shove you knife into each of their skulls, quick and simple. Reaching the gate, you yell for someone to let you in, but it appears no one is there, which feels like an oversight considering what just happened. Luckily though, the gate isn't quite closed. Meaning you can slide an arm through to reach around and undo the locking mechanism. You just have to hope no one on the inside sees you doing it because that's liable to get you shot given the state of shock most people will be in after that debacle. Despite your reserves about really, really not wanting to be shot on top of everything else that has happened these past few hours, you reach in and after a few false starts, unlock the gate. Slipping inside, you shut it behind you and lock it securely this time. You can see the occasional person milling about but for the most part it's just bodies scattered on the floor, some of them burning. Running through the streets, you recognise more of the bodies than you'd like. You make a bee line for Carl's house, hoping that's where he'll be along with Judith. Sitting in front of the steps to one of the houses, you notice Aaron, with his head in his hands.   
"Aaron!"  
You run towards him and his head jerks up at your shout. There's a split second of terror in his eyes, before he suddenly recognises you.  
"(Y/N)? What happened to you?"  
You'd almost forgotten that you were covered in blood, so you shake your head.  
"Not my blood."  
He nods, seemingly a little detached. You notice you're not the only one covered in blood.  
"You alright?"  
"Yeah I'm ok."  
"And Eric?"  
"He's fine too. In the infirmary helping Denise."  
"Right."   
You nod as though you know who that is.  
"Listen, Aaron. The plan went to shit and there are about half the walkers from the quarry headed our way. Rick is going to try to lead them away but my radio got crushed so I don't know whether he's managed it. Glenn, Michonne and some others are on their way back."  
He looks up at you with wide eyes. He just stares at you for a few moments before realising what he's doing and standing quickly.   
"I'll go to the gate and make sure they're let in."  
"Alright. I'm going to find Carl."  
You move to run off, but he stops you with a quick hug.  
"I'm glad you're alright."  
Surprised, you don't manage to return the hug before he's pulling away.  
"You too."  
Then you're off, once again sprinting towards your goal.


	17. Puppy Love

You reach his house and you hesitate outside, before taking the porch steps in two big bounds and knocking on the door. You wait impatiently for an answer until you eventually just decide to try the door. It's open, which worries you a little but nothing inside appears disturbed.  
"Carl?"  
You call cautiously.  
"(Y/N)?"  
You follow the sound of his voice upstairs and into Judith's bedroom. He's sat in a chair in the corner of the room and stands as you enter.  
"Wha- what happened? Are you alright?"  
"It's not my blood Carl, I'm fine. He barely even scratched me."  
He comes closer and puts a hand to your cheek, causing particles of dried blood to shower down.  
"You had me worried."  
You snort with amusement.  
"Same for you. I leave you alone for five minutes and all of a sudden you're getting attacked."  
He laughs just as you hear Judith snuffling behind you. She's making the little noise that she always does just before she starts bawling. You turn to look at her.  
"I'd love to pick you up little lady but I'm sort of covered in some guys blood and you do not want that."  
"You go get cleaned up, I've got her. Take a shirt from my room if you need."  
"Thanks."  
You leave your bag on the floor of his room and grab the first shirt in his drawers. In the bathroom you look in the mirror, a little alarmed by your appearance. No wonder everyone that got a glimpse of you was so worried, you looked a right mess. Your hair is caked with blood and you resign yourself to a quick shower.  
Emerging from the bathroom with wet hair and a newly acquired shirt, you feel invigorated. It's ridiculous and you feel like such a lovesick teenager but you really like wearing Carl's shirt. Judith is back in her cot and Carl is staring out the window. You sneak over and slide your hands over his waist and put your chin on his shoulder.  
"You alright?"  
"Enid is out there, somewhere."  
"She is?"  
You'd never really spoken to Enid and didn't really know what to think of her. But you did know that she and Carl were friends, and that she'd been out there alone for a time. You knew first hand the effect that had on a person and you were kind of an anomaly that you handled it so well.  
"You want to go after her?"  
"I don't know. I feel as though I should."  
"If you really want to go after her, I'll help you. But the herd is headed our way. There's no point putting more people in danger if we aren't completely sure we can help her."  
"You're right. I want to talk to Ron before I do anything."  
You tense your arms around him.  
"Be careful with him. I think he's losing it."  
He nods, putting his hands over yours. You frown out of the window.  
"Looks like your dad is back."  
You say pulling away from him.  
"Let's go see what's going on."  
He agrees, catching hold of your hand before you can pull away too far.


	18. Domesticity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is domesticity a word? IDK, i don't care anymore

You listen to Rick's speech almost absently. It's not for you, not really for any of his original group. It's for the people losing their grip, giving in to terror. Rick is one hell of a public speaker. He can inspire people with his words and you admire that. Sometimes you can barely keep yourself going, let alone convince other people that it's worth surviving. When he's done, Carl turns to you.  
"I'm going to talk to Ron."  
You nod.  
"Alright. Like I said, be careful. I'll be at the house with Judith. Come find me when you're done."  
You give him a quick peck on the cheek before letting him go.  
Judith is stood up in her crib, gurgling when you get there. She smiles when she sees you, laughing as you scoop her up. You feel a surge of love for the tiny girl and you realise you've never before felt so maternal. She's the proof of hope for this godforsaken world and it warms your heart to hold her in your arms.   
"Let's get you some food. You must be starving by now. I know I am."  
You take her downstairs and start rifling through the cupboards until you find the baby food. You feed her first, which is messy because she has a tendency to try to hit the spoon out of your hands. Only your fast reflexes stopped the entire jar from being splattered across the walls. You were just cleaning her up when Carl came in.  
"How'd it go?"  
He sighs and shakes his head.  
"Not well. Ron hasn't exactly been coping, and now he's blaming me for letting Enid leave. He also won't let me leave to go find her, even though he was jealous that I was talking to his girlfriend."  
You frown, glancing at him before standing up straight.  
"Won't let you?"  
He's pacing the living room in annoyance by this point.  
"He'll go to my dad if I try. I just don't understand what he's thinking."  
"Like you said, he's not coping. His head isn't in the right place and he can't help her because he's weak, so he's lashing out at you. He could be dangerous."  
"I can handle him."  
You pick Judith up out of the high chair.  
"I know that, but when people get like that they can be unpredictable. I'm just saying we need to keep an eye on him is all."  
He sighs and sits down onto the couch heavily.  
"You're right. Sorry."  
Judith is squirming in your arms, so you put her down on the living room carpet with a few of her toys. She grabs one of them and shoves it into her mouth immediately, chewing away contentedly. Carl smiles at her and it's plain on his face how much he loves her. Carl had almost taken over as the father figure for her when Rick was too busy, he'd really stepped up in a way most teenagers wouldn't have. Sitting on the couch next to him, you put your head on his shoulder.  
"We'll be alright. Things don't look so good just now but... We'll be alright."  
He threads his fingers through yours, leaning the side of his head against the top of yours.  
"Yeah. We'll be fine."


	19. Nightmares

Darkness. Closing in on you. Surrounding you and leaching the air from your lungs. You couldn't breathe, something was pressing down on your chest. Then a voice. That voice that chilled your blood and haunted you. There was no way you'd ever forget no matter how hard you tried.   
"Little mouse."  
The sing-song voice reverberated in your ears. You tried to scream but there was no air. You couldn't even move, rope bit into your wrists and ankles as you struggled desperately.   
"What are you doing little mouse? There's nowhere to go."  
You redoubled your efforts, screaming echoing around you. Was that you? Suddenly there was a light above you. A single light bulb, swinging wildly, making it seem as though everything were tilting.  
"Little mouse!"  
You sat bolt upright, hyperventilating, sobs bubbling up from your chest as your heart pounds. The room is dark and your eyes dart around wildly. You skitter backwards until your pressed up against the corner of the room, sheets tangled around your feet. You're sobbing for real now, you haven't had a nightmare that bad in a while. The door opens, making you flinch and whimper, shrinking down to be as small as you possibly can.  
"(Y/N)?"  
You look up, trying to calm yourself. The silhouette in the door way is blurred by your tears and you can't make out who it is. You can't seem to get a handle of your breathing, you're dangerously close to a full blown panic attack.   
"(Y/N), it's okay, you're okay it was just a nightmare."  
You dig your fingers into your legs, trying to bring yourself back to reality, out of the nightmare your mind is trying to shake off. The overhead light is turned on, making you squint as your eyes try to adjust to the sudden change. When they finally do, you realise that Carl is stood in the middle of your room looking very worried and unsure of what to do.  
"Carl?"  
You manage to ask through your panic. Your breathing is slowing down a little but your heart is still pounding away in your chest.  
"I'm here, it's alright. Just a nightmare, no one can hurt you."  
You let go of your legs, nodding miserably. Carl comes to sit on the side of your bed.   
"It's over now."  
He soothes, voice low and calming.  
"I'm sorry."  
You sob. You didn't want to burden him with your stupid nightmares, everything had been going so well. He had his own shit to deal with, he didn't need you waking him up in the middle of the night. You felt awful in so many ways, you were so broken.  
"Hey, no you're not broken."  
Carl said vehemently. Had you really said that out loud? He opens his arms and gestures for you to come closer. With barely a moment of hesitation, you crawl over to him and curl up as he wraps his arms securely around you. He strokes your hair gently.  
"You are so far from broken. You're stronger than I am."  
He just holds you until your sobs devolve into little sniffles and you feel yourself beginning to fall asleep.


	20. The calm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... my updates haven't exactly been regular... sorry about that but I'm just generally dissatisfied with this fic, and I have no idea where it's going.

You wake up feeling warm and a little bit cramped. You open your eyes slowly to see fabric close to your face. It's Carl's shirt, your sleepy brain eventually finds the conclusion. You've shared a bed before obviously, but never this close before. You think back to the nightmare last night. Or was it early this morning? You had nightmares every night, there was no way you wouldn't after everything you'd been through but you hadn't had one that bad for weeks. Then Carl's eyes begin to flutter open.  
"Morning."  
He smiles sleepily.  
"Hey. How you feeling?"  
"Good. Much better than last night, thanks to you."  
He props himself up on his elbow.  
"Want to talk about it?"  
You frown and pick at a loose thread on the bedding, unable to meet his eyes.  
"Not really. Not right now."  
"Okay. We have to get up now anyway."  
You let your head hit the covers, groaning with a smile.  
"Do we have to?"  
"Yep."  
He says, pulling you up as you flop backwards, giggling.   
Later that day you're stood on the lookout post, staring down at the writhing mass of walkers. Vaguely, you wonder at where Glenn might be. You can't even begin to imagine what Maggie must be feeling, the constant worry for her husband on top of everything else. She's stood right next to you staring blankly outward and you have no idea what to say to her. Then there's Enid, out there alone. You get it. You can understand why she did it, that need to get away from anyone you could possibly lose. That was you, not so long ago. But now you feel like you've begun to move past that. To accept that loss is just another part of life and. Behind you, you can see Rosita training people to use the machetes. Things are quiet, despite the constant groaning below you. There's a sudden loud banging that makes you jump and swing your pistol in that direction, finger off the trigger. It's just Rick, mending the wall. Okay, so maybe the growling was putting you on edge just a little. Not to mention the nightmare was still lingering in the back of your mind. You look back out towards the tree line and decide to break the silence.  
"Glenn's going to be alright."  
She looks at you, both parts surprised and curious.  
"You think?"  
You nod vehemently, though you don't look at it. The situation is a little too emotional and you are determined not to cry again for at least a week.  
"Yeah. I really do."  
She nods with a slight smile and then she starts staring over your shoulder but you press on anyway.  
"He's a tough guy. He'll be back."  
She says nothing, just continues staring. Then, suddenly she's moving, slinging her gun over her neck and descending the steps rapidly.  
"Wha-"  
You turn around, trying to understand what's gotten her so riled up when you see it. Green balloons, floating serenely into the sky.   
Then, there's a horrendous creaking noise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BLEEEEEEEEEEH


	21. The Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHO'S BACK? Okay so, not gonna lie, I sort of forgot about this fic. But with the sudden influx of comments/kudos after the latest TWD episode, I decided to revive it.

You watch in horror as the tower groans and creaks ominously. It leans further and further until the point of no return, whereupon it smashes into the ground, wood splintering and metal screaming in protest. Everything seems very silent for a moment as the dust settles. Then the walkers start pouring in. Out of the corner of your eye you see Carl running towards the houses. Then your focus moves to something much more pressing. Maggie is running towards you, barely a meter ahead of the horde. Levelling your gun and controlling your breathing, you begin picking off walkers to either side of her. You wince as she trips and hits the floor.  
"Maggie!"  
You're itching to get down there and help her but that will just get you both killed for sure. Instead, you stand your ground and continue shooting as many as you can. Once she begins climbing the ladder, you abandon your shooting and stretch your hands downward to help her up. The ladder judders as walkers clamour against it, threatening to fall. You do your best to steady it, but the strength of the horde is just too much. Letting it go, you grab her instead. There's a terrifying moment as she hangs in the balance until you can get a better grip and haul her up to the platform by her upper arms. You both collapse onto the decking just as the ladder falls away completely. Staring up at the strangely calm sky and listening to the growls of the walkers, you wonder when the last time you were quite this much shit was. You turn your head towards Maggie.  
"You okay?"  
There's nothing but heavy breathing for a few moments.  
"I think so."  
You look back up to the sky until you're breathing has completely evened out and then you sit up.  
"Jesus."  
There are so many walkers. More than you can really comprehend and they just keep coming. They're clustered around anything making any noise and the rest of them wander aimless. The platform wobbles a little and you have to grab the railing to steady yourself. This thing is coming down quick under the pressure of the walkers if you don't do something about it. By now Maggie is stood up with you, staring down at the bloodthirsty walkers. You look around a little desperately.  
"Alright, I've got a plan. But you're not going to like it."  
Maggie frowns.  
"Why not?"  
"See that tree over there?"  
You point to one the trees growing very close to the wall.  
"I'm going to shuffle along the wall, making as much noise as I can and then I'll climb down the other side and make a run for it."  
"Why?"  
"I'm buying you time. If I don't try to draw them away, this platform is going to come down pretty quickly. We know Glenn is on his way so you just need enough time for him to come."  
"No, what about you?"  
"I'll be fine, I'll circle back round when I can. Maybe see if I can find Daryl Sasha and Abraham."  
"I don't like this."  
"Neither do I, but it's our best shot."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is also undergoing a complete rewrite as I am unhappy with the first half. I'm going to leave this one up and post it separately, so anyone who prefers the original can stick with it. And don't worry, I will keep writing this one.... It may take me a whole tho... sorry


	22. Outside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so not going to be a regular updating schedule but hey, it's better than waiting fucking four months or whatever right???

Shuffling along the top of the fence hurts more than you thought it would. The metal bites into your hands and thighs but you grit your teeth and keep moving forward. Every now and then you bang on the fence, drawing them to you. They clamour against the fence, making it shake unnervingly. For once you're glad that the supports are on the outside of the compound because if a section of fence falls with you on it, you're dead. The fence is high enough that they can't even begin to reach your feet which you are immensely glad of. About half of the walkers decided to follow you, and while the platform is still rickety, it doesn't look about to fall down anymore. Maggie is crouched down on top of it, trying her best not to make any noise. Finally, you reach your destination and find a securer footing on the fence. Pulling out your pistol, you get ready to fire. Your first instinct is to kill the ones closest to the fence and therefore, to you. But that won't do as much good so instead you shoot the ones on the outer ring of the group, to try to trap them next to the fence for as long as possible. The noise attracts the attention of more and they press against the fence, crushing the near ones against the metal. You empty a clip into the group and pause to insert a new one before turning to the tree. It's a little further from the fence than it looked from over by the platform, you're going to have to jump. You scan the ground around it as best you can but there doesn't appear to be any walkers. Steadying yourself, you take two deep breaths and launch your body across the void. You crash painfully into the branches, probably bruising some ribs. Gripping it forcefully, you find your footing. Looking back into the compound one last time, you whisper to yourself.  
"I'll be back."  
Then you climb down quickly and efficiently. Your grip slips near the bottom and you hit the floor hard, letting out an involuntary scream as you do. There's a walker headed your way because of it and you inwardly curse yourself. Luckily, your trusty knife is strapped to your hip as it always is and you slam it into the walker's skull, no problem. The herd is most certainly thinner this side of the fence but things still aren't great. Nothing you can't handle despite the slight throbbing pain in your ankle. It's certainly not broken, most likely just sprained but either way it's a pain in the arse. You ignore it and keep moving, killing every walker you come across. Things are going well, which sort of makes you a little nervous because they're going too well and something should be going wrong at this point. Evening is coming on fast but that doesn't stop you. You hear a single gunshot from Alexandria and a cold twist stabs through your heart though you aren't sure why. You just have this gut feeling that something bad just happened. You need a plan, some way to get back into Alexandria without getting yourself killed.


	23. Rabid Fever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look who fucked up again?????

You take a break, sitting on a felled tree. Your ears are still perked for any kind on of attack, even as you examine your ankle to see if there's anything to be done to make it hurt a little less before you attempt to make your way inside Alexandria. There's a slight noise behind you, so quiet you almost missed it and you whip round to find out what it his, knife in hand. It's a dog. Big and scary looking, a German Shepherd perhaps? Whatever it is, it's looking at you like food and you're not liking it one bit. You stand cautiously and back away, careful not to look it in the eyes. You aren't sure if it will take eye contact as a threat, didn't you hear that somewhere? It can't hurt so you do it anyway. The dog starts growling menacingly and you freeze. You used to quite like dogs, before. But this one is feral and completely prepared to maul you. Putting out the hand that doesn't hold your knife you show it's empty and attempt to back away again.  
It lunges.  
The dog's teeth clamp onto your arm and immediately you plunge your knife into it's skull with your free hand. It goes limp and you have to pry it from your arm. The body flops to the ground and you'd be sorry if it weren't for your blood dripping onto the forest floor. You inspect your arm, and although it's not as bad as it maybe could be, you need proper medical attention as soon as you can get it. You get moving again making your way closer and closer to the hole in the wall. For a moment your vision goes a little fuzzy and it's then you realise you must be losing quite a bit of blood.   
Eventually you reach the hole in the wall and you keep killing walkers on your way in. Suddenly there's a brilliant flash of light as flames leap high into the night sky. Something's on fire, though you can't tell what it is from your position. From somewhere within you a well of strength is summoned up that you didn't even know you had as you force yourself to keep fighting. The herd is thinned out substantially, lured by the fire which makes moving forward much easier. You only bother to take out those ones that take a special interest in you and even that is beginning to become a struggle. Having the use of only one arm is starting to hamper your progress. Already, dawn is beginning to emerge as you step over body after body, desperately looking for survivors. Finally, there isn't a standing walker in sight as you continue to pick your way through the bodies, injured hand held to your stomach. Where the hell is everyone? You keep moving, ignoring the increasing pit of doubt in your stomach that maybe they didn't make it. They're alright. They must be. Everyone here has been through too much already to let this wipe them out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, please don't expect literally anything from me


	24. Early morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New year, new chapter

Then, you see them. In the early morning light, everyone is gathered by the infirmary. By this point, you're limping, the pain in your ankle too much to ignore on top of your arm. Everyone looks dirty and tired but so very alive and you're so relieved you almost want to cry. You come up the road the opposite side to the porch, so no one notices you. Not at first. But you don't have the energy to shout for their attention so you continue onwards. Heath looks up from where he's leaning against a post and he freezes. Then he's off, running towards you, much to the confusion of everyone around him. He reaches you quickly and it's a good thing too because you're getting dizzy. Eyeing your injured arm he asks,  
"You bit?"  
You shake your head tiredly. Well, technically you were bitten, but not in the way he means by that question.  
"Dog."  
Then you pitch forward slightly, your body has seemingly had enough.  
"Come on, I gotcha."  
He says quietly, putting your uninjured arm around his shoulders. Suddenly, the world tilts and you're being carried towards the infirmary. There are worried voices, Aaron and Eric the most prominent among them which makes you smile. The two of them have almost become your adoptive dads and you care about the pair of them more than you'd generally admit out loud. You're placed on a hospital bed and you stay sitting up, feeling a little more awake now. Denise hurries over to you and inspects your bite.  
"It's pretty deep, you're lucky you can still move it. I'll clean it, dress it and give you some antibiotics. You should be alright in a week or two."  
You nod.  
"Thanks."  
"I'm amazed you're still conscious. Most people would have passed out by now."  
"What can I say, I'm a tough cookie."  
Just as you finish speaking, Denise pours the disinfectant into your wound and you barely even flinch. Even Daryl, whose sat across the room, putting his shirt back on after getting his shoulder stitched up, seems mildly impressed. Only mildly, mind you. Then she wraps up your arm with a clean bandage and pats it.  
"All done."  
Just then, Rick comes out of a back room. He goes straight to Michonne and something in his expression sets off warning bells. You look to Aaron, who's closest to you.  
"Is Carl alright?"  
He just stares at you for a few moments, unsure of how to respond to that. So Denise steps in for him.  
"He's going to be fine."  
"Going to be? What happened?"  
"Uhm... He got shot... In the eye."  
"In the- can I see him?"  
"Well, he's unconscious but you can if you want."  
You shuffle to the edge of the bed and hop off, keeping your bandaged arm to your side. Two minutes ago you were exhausted but the pain in your arm had gone from dull to sharp and was doing an excellent job of keeping you alert. You make it across the room no problem, though Aaron hovers at your shoulder at first, as though he's worried you might just suddenly collapse. About to peer into the open door, you're stopped by a hand on your shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna attempt to write some more of this pretty soon but you all know by now not to expect anything right?


	25. Eye for an eye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I realise I left you all on a bit of a cliffhanger last time... sorry about that

You turn to see Rick, who looks absolutely exhausted.  
"Are you alright?"  
He asks, looking at your arm.  
"I'm fine. Had a run in with a dog. How's Carl?"  
He gives a half smile.  
"He's going to be alright. Denise did an amazing job."  
You nod, looking distractedly at the door.  
"What happened?"  
"Ron. He managed to get a hold of a gun somehow and... when uh, when..."  
You nod more vehemently this time, you get the gist of what happened and there's no need for him to have to relive it again. Turning back to him, you look him in the eye.  
"There's nothing you could have done."  
You don't even know the full story, but you're sure of that. Rick would have done anything possible to save Carl, you have absolutely no doubt about it. He pats you on the shoulder before moving away, which you take as permission to go in and see him. You push open the door and your chest tightens as you see Carl lying on the bed, looking so very vulnerable. Taking the seat beside the bed, you reach out and stroke his hair gently, careful of the clean bandage covering most of his hair.  
"Things really went to shit huh? Seems like every time we get separated, something bad happens. We made it though. By some ridiculous miracle, we made it. We night have to find you an eye patch though. I think you'd make a rather fetching pirate, what with your hair and all."  
You laugh to yourself at that, and it's only half bitter.  
"I'm just glad you're alright. I'm really not so sure what I would have done without you. I mean, I would have survived, because that's what we do. But I wouldn't have been half so happy about it let me tell you. 'Coz I love you. I didn't say it before because I was scared, but honestly? I'm more of losing you than admitting my feelings. I could have lost you so I figured there's no point pretending anymore."  
That makes you a little melancholy at the thought of just how close he came to death, but you shake it off quickly. Water off a duck's back and all that.  
"Oh boy am I going to have one hell of an 'I told you so' when you wake up. What did I say about Ron? If Michonne hadn't dispatched of him I might just have had to do it myself."  
You sit for a little while, enjoying the reassurance that he's alive, feeling the warmth of his skin under your fingers. Which is possibly a little weird, but hey, at least you know the feelings are mutual. You're not just creeping on him while he sleeps. After not too long, your eyes begin to droop closed. It's really not surprising, considering you spent all night running through the forest. You hadn't slept in almost 27 hours. Exhausted though you were, you weren't in any particular hurry to leave Carl just yet. As a compromise, you laid your arms down on the edge of the bed and rested your head on top of them. Not the most comfortable of sleeping positions but on the run you'd had much worse. So, you slipped easily into a deep, dreamless sleep.


	26. Bedside manners

You awaken slowly, though it's sort of difficult to lift your head up due to the horrific crick in your neck. Okay, so maybe sleeping here wasn't the best idea ever. As you sit up and stretch, a blanket slips from your shoulders and you wonder sleepily where that came from. Had you really allowed yourself to sleep deeply enough that someone came into the room without waking you? You usually slept light enough that even the sound of someone in the hallway woke you immediately. Just goes to show how much you've grown to trust these people, you suppose. Standing up, you get ready to go out and make yourself useful, there has to be a lot to do to clear this place up judging by the sheer number of bodies outside.   
"(Y/N)?"  
Carl's weak voice makes you freeze and turn back to him.  
"You're awake! How you feeling?"  
He groans a little.  
"Ugh. Fuzzy."  
"I can't even imagine."  
You squeeze his hand sympathetically.  
"I'll go find Denise, tell her you're awake."  
You turn to go, but Carl grasps your hand, pulling you back weakly.  
"Wait."  
You do as he asks, waiting patiently for an explanation.  
"Did you mean what you said earlier?"  
He'd hear all that? You pouring out your emotions? That was more than you'd ever said at one time in Alexandria. Admittedly you wanted him to hear it eventually but you'd kind of thought that you'd have a bit more time to phrase it better.  
"Yeah. I did."  
He smiles faintly, tugging at your hand.  
"Come here."  
You lean down towards his face and he leans up as much as he can until your lips meet. You kiss him with a hint of desperation, almost as though you're trying to show him your emotions through a single kiss. When you do eventually pull away, you're both grinning.  
"I love you too."  
You're blushing now but you're too happy to feel ridiculous. Giving him another peck, you extricate your hand and head to the door.  
"I'll be right back."  
Denise is sat on one of the infirmary beds, staring into space. You cough slightly, startling her.  
"Um, Carl's awake."  
She seems to wake up at that.  
"Right, of course."  
"Have you slept yet?"   
You ask, genuinely concerned.  
"No. I didn't want to leave until Carl was completely stable and I guess I still have some adrenaline because I couldn't get any sleep."  
She says distractedly as she passes. You frown, but you decide to stop distracting her until she's checked on Carl.  
You stand back mostly as she checks on him, stepping in whenever she asks for your help. She doesn't seem concerned by anything she finds which sets you at ease somewhat. You help her change the bandages, paying careful attention so you'd be able to help him do it in the future. When she's done Carl promptly falls back to sleep and you pull her aside.  
"Go get some sleep. You're no use to anyone in this state, I'll watch over Carl, I can always come get you."  
She doesn't seem very convinced.  
"You've done an amazing job already. You deserve some rest."  
Eventually she nods and you sit back down in your chair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A levels are hell.


	27. Awkward...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey, look who's back

The next few days passed peacefully in somewhat of a blur. You alternated you time between watching over Carl and assisting in the clean up outside. Carl had been waking up more and more frequently, seemingly getting stronger each time he did. There was no doubt now that he'd be alright and you felt more relieved about that than you could even begin to explain. Your attempts to help out with the clean up outside went less smoothly, however. People kept insisting you should rest until your arm was healed and it was driving you crazy. Once when you tried to start moving one of the bodies Rick all but ordered you to go back inside. You quickly worked out those who wouldn't protest and ended up working alongside Daryl more often than not. He kept a close eye on you to make sure you didn't overwork yourself, but he never stopped you from doing anything. And both of you were people of few words so there was no awkward silence. Things were beginning to stabilise, go back to the normal that had been established before. You were on your way to the wall to take a shift on watch when Glenn pulled you aside.  
"Hey. Maggie told me what you did for her, up on the watch post and I just wanted to thank you for it."  
You nod, at a loss for how to respond to that.  
"I wasn't sure about you. I figured you'd run like Enid but I underestimated you."  
"Uh. Thanks."  
He nodded at you, approval shining in his eyes. You were more than a bit uncomfortable. Glenn was a good guy, you liked him, respected him even. But he was very earnest and for someone whose version of dealing with emotions was staring in stony silence or driving pointy things into the skulls of lurkers, this whole encounter was a little strange. You wondered briefly if this was how Daryl felt all the time.  
"You'll do well here."  
He said with conviction.  
"Great."  
You flashed him a smile which you knew had to look strained. You appreciate what he's saying, you really do but you're just too awkward. Eventually he gives another nod before disappearing off, at which you sigh in relief. Eric could be pretty earnest, but never quite on that level thank god. You hurried towards the wall, head down in the hopes that you wouldn't have to interact with anyone else for at least a little while. At least being on watch would hopefully be peaceful. Sasha jumps a little as the ladder clangs when you put your foot on the first rung.  
"Jeez, (Y/N), you're so quiet. I didn't even realise you were there. Don't sneak up on people like that!"  
You smile sheepishly at her.  
"Sorry Sasha. But on the plus side I am here to relieve you."  
You say, reaching out to take the gun.  
"Thank God for that. I think I was about to fall asleep on my feet. How's your hand doing by the way?"  
"Good thanks. Denise did a great job, it's almost completely healed."  
"Good. Alright well, have fun up here."  
She turns and climbs down the ladder.  
"See you later."


	28. Old Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey, a weekly update! Who knows, maybe I'll get another one out next week

You wanted things to stay this way forever. As much as everyone seemed to believe that they would, you knew with this sick kind of certainty that they just wouldn't. But you elected not to voice your fears to anyone. There was no concrete reason to break the peaceful bubble just yet. The likelihood was that they would simply say that you were being overly paranoid. Honestly, you hoped that was all it was.   
You and Carl had begun going outside the walls. Just to sit, read comics, and to brush up on your skills on the off chance that a walker decided to come try to bother you. It was nice. Peaceful, almost. It helped to know that you weren't just sitting inside getting soft while the world outside stayed just as dangerous as it had ever been. Going outside made your time sat inside far more bearable. You weren't entirely sure, however, what Aaron and Eric would say of your little escapades, but you solved that issue by simply not telling them exactly what you were doing. It wasn't lying as such, merely omitting the truth.  
The two of you had been chilling by your usual log, sharing snacks as you read Carl's comic over his shoulder. You'd seen Spencer and Michonne go past earlier, but other than that things had been quiet. The two of you had just gotten up ready to go when you heard a noise behind you. Carl saw whatever it was first, he was facing the right direction. At first you assumed that it was probably just a walker but when you saw the look on Carl's frozen face you turned quickly on your heel to find... Deanna. Well, not really her, not anymore. Your hand went automatically to your knife, but Carl held out a hand to stop you.  
"What?"  
You whispered, frowning over at him.  
"Go back home."  
He said without even looking at you. You snorted, slightly insulted that he would try to dismiss you like that even after all you had been through.  
"Yeah, no. We can't leave her like this Carl."  
"We're not going to. But, it should be..."  
"Spencer."  
Sighing, you suddenly understood why Carl was acting the way he was.   
"Alright, yeah. We'll lead her in the direction we saw Michonne and Spencer going. But if things get hairy, I won't hesitate to do it myself. There's no point in either one of us getting injured over this."  
Carl doesn't look all that happy about the last part but he nods all the same.  
Together you manage to lead her to Spencer without issue, but afterwards there's this look in his eye that you can't quite describe. As soon as you're back within the safety of the walls you wordlessly put your arms around his neck, drawing him close to you. For a moment he seems almost reluctant, as though he's about to insist that he's fine and that he doesn't need your comfort, but then he drops his head down onto your shoulder and slides his arms around your waist. You held each other tightly for the span of a few breaths before he began to pull away and you let him.  
"Are you okay?"  
You asked, one hand cradling the side of his face.  
"Yeah."  
He said simply, but you pursed your lips, not quite believing that he was telling you the whole truth. Laughing a little, he tilted his head into your hand.   
"I will be."  
"Alright well, I told Eric I'd make dinner tonight, so I'll see you later, yeah?"  
"Yeah."  
With a quick peck on his lips, you headed back to your house.


	29. Intruder

Night was well and truly upon you as you sat on the porch steps of your house. You weren't entirely sure when it had become 'your' house rather than 'Aaron and Eric's' house but it had somehow. The thought didn't scare you in the same way it had when you first arrived in Alexandria. The two of them had already gone to bed but you were feeling oddly too wired to even attempt going to sleep. Eventually you could no longer take the jittery energy that was building in your limbs and you decided to go for a walk. The streets were familiar to you by now, and you knew every resident by sight, though you couldn't always remember all of their names. The moon was hidden behind the clouds, so there was very little light, but that didn't bother you too much. But even as you walked, you suddenly saw something out of the corner of your eye. There was someone stealing through the street, someone you most certainly did not recognise. Breaking into a run, you got in front of the figure and stopped them.  
"Who are you?"  
You asked quickly, hoping sincerely that you hadn't just mistaken someone you should have known because of the half light. The stranger looked at you from under his hat and immediately you knew you were right to stop him. Opening your mouth to scream, to alert someone, you had no chance as the stranger darted a hand out to hit you in the throat. You only just had time to block his attack and counter with one of your own, using your other hand to go for a gut punch. It almost connected, but he jumped backwards, just out of your reach. Pulling back, you held your hands up defensively in front of your face. As he was distracted by your hands you kicked him in the groin as hard as you could and he doubled over with a groan. You stepped in to press your advantage, driving a knee up into his face. He reeled back, but rather than letting his hands go to his face as you would have expected, he was already up and he clocked you on the jaw, making stars explode behind your eyes. A strong kick to your hip sent you sprawling across the pavement, scraping your hands and hitting the side of your head. You were still just lucid enough to watch as the figure took off down the street. Crying out, you tried to lever yourself up but your head was spinning too much. Desperate, you lay as still as you could until you finally found that you could actually move. You wobbled to your feet, hip throbbing with every movement you made. Having lost sight of him you had no way of knowing where he was headed, so you decided to go wake up Rick and warn him of what had happened. Walking was slow going but eventually you made it to the small stair case leading up to their front door, which was hanging open. Fear lurched in the pit of your stomach and you ventured inside just as the first rays of dawn sunlight began to hit your back.


	30. Could have been worse

You had been prepared for the worst. Ready to find mangled bodies, or a hostage situation, pretty much any kind of a dire situation. Instead you find what essentially seems to amount to a breakfast meeting. Several members of what you have come to think of as your group are sat around the table with the attacker. Admittedly, there were guns on the table showing that he wasn't entirely trusted yet, but still seeing him sat there calm made you irrationally angry.  
"(Y/N)! What happened!"  
Carl had noticed you hovering in the doorway and shoved his chair back as he rushed to meet you, hands going immediately to your face.  
"He happened."  
You jutted your chin out to indicate the guy sat at the head of the table. As one, every person in the room turned to look at him.  
"Ah, yes. Sorry about that."  
"Sorry."  
You parroted flatly, brain some how refusing to properly process his words.  
"I really had to talk with Rick and I knew that you would have stopped me."  
"You couldn't have fucking waited until morning to do that?"  
You said with far more heat in your voice than anyone in the room had ever heard you use.  
"It was important."  
Utterly disbelieving, you have to walk out of the room to stop yourself from launching yourself at him. Rick, Carl and Maggie all followed you out into the other room.  
"What happened, exactly?"  
Rick asked urgently.  
"I caught him sneaking around so I asked him what he was doing. It was pretty obvious that he wasn't meant to be there but when I tried to scream for help he attacked me. Shoved me to the floor and ran off."  
"So it could have been worse. He just disabled you and left."  
You couldn't believe what you were hearing. Could have been worse? You'd been attacked by this psycho and it 'could have been worse.' Face going carefully blank, you nodded.  
"Could have been worse."  
Maggie put a hand on your shoulder and looked at you seriously.  
"I'm really glad you're okay."  
Oh jeez, she just had to go and say something nice just as you were preparing to seethe with anger. You gave her a little nod and she smiled in return, before turning around and following Rick. Turning to Carl you suddenly notice that his eye is burning with fury.  
"He hurt you. I want to kill him."  
Somehow the fact that he's so angry on your behalf takes the wind out of your sails.  
"Sheriff..."  
The affectionate nickname slides off your tongue before you can even think about it.  
"Rick was right. Really not so bad. I've had worse, like, a lot worse."  
The little crease in his brow is back.  
"I really don't like thinking about you in pain."  
At that, your eyes suddenly begin to fill with tears and you have to look away before you start crying for real. What is with you? It must be the adrenaline drop from the fight. You are not the kind of person who cries at the first nice thing someone says to you.  
"I just want to protect you."  
"As long as you'll let me protect you in return."  
"Of course. We're in this together. Are you okay? Do you need to go to the infirmary?"  
"No, no. I'm just a bit bruised up. I'll just head home and have a lie down."  
"You can stay here tonight. Take my room."  
"Really?"  
He suddenly seems very shy as he looks down at the ground.  
"Yeah. Besides, then I'll be able to check on you easier."  
Oh, he is so cute.  
"Alright. Thanks."  
Leaning up you go to peck him in the lips, but he deepens the kiss, almost a little desperately. You must have rattled him more than you realised, turning up injured like that. The last time that happened he had been unconscious and unable to worry about you.


	31. The deepest scars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a kind of, I'm not dead and neither is this fic post. I'm in the middle of exams currently but in a few weeks it'll be half term so I can get a few chapters out for you guys. Sorry I'm so bad at posting regularly, I love everyone who has stuck with me so far.

When you wake up, it takes you a moment to work out where you are. It may sound dumb but the sheets smell familiar, and that keeps you from panicking when you first open your eyes. Rick has evidently decided to trust this 'Jesus' guy and allow him to take a group to their base. You don't agree, but they've already started, and sometimes you just have to suck it up and deal with things you don't like. The best you can do is keep and eye on him and make sure he doesn't hurt anyone else.   
Carl is outside helping to pack the RV ready for the outing as you sit up in his room, watching from the open window. A cool breeze played across your face as you watched Jesus with sharp eyes. He hadn't done anything to earn any kind of suspicion since the... let's just call it the 'incident' and leave it at. In any case, you felt a healthy amount of suspicion was entirely justified.   
When Rick and Carl began talking you got sidetracked listening in to their conversation. You weren't deliberately eavesdropping as such, but all the same, by the end of the conversation you were glad that you heard what Carl said.  
"Kid with a messed up face probably wouldn't make the best first impression anyway."  
You hadn't realised he felt that way. But of course he did. When you got your first proper scar you'd felt as though you were... tainted in some way. Of course, that had more to do with the person who carved it into your skin, but still. Carl couldn't hide his scar under his clothes the way you could for the worst of yours.   
Completely absorbed in trying to work out if there was something you could do to help him, you barely even noticed when the RV pulled away and disappeared down the road. You sit for a few moments in your trance like state, wondering how best to help Carl change his less than flattering self image. You'd have to do it subtly, or he'd probably just dismiss it as you trying to make him feel better. This would require some deeper thought. Shaking yourself, you headed into the bathroom to get ready for the day.   
You look like shit. There's a dark bruise blooming on the left side of your jaw, and a graze across your right temple and down to your cheekbone. The skin of your palms is grazed as well. On top of all that, you've had approximately two hours sleep in the past eighteen hours. You've looked worse, sure, but you're kind of hesitant as to what Carl's reaction is going to be. There's nothing to be done about it, however, so you venture downstairs in search of something to eat.


End file.
